Dealing with interpersonal assumptions in business and relationships is critical for fostering understanding, avoiding conflict, and building strong connections. These assumptions, while different in scale, stem from a common human tendency to fill in gaps in our knowledge with what we already believe to be true.

Interpersonal Assumptions

These are the assumptions we make about individuals based on limited information, personal biases, or past experiences. They’re often unconscious and can lead to significant misunderstandings.

Interpersonal assumptions are beliefs we hold about others without factual evidence, often based on our own biases, past experiences, or limited observations. They are common in all relationships and can lead to misinterpretations and conflict if not addressed.

 

Common Examples:

• Assuming Intent: This is one of the most frequent types of assumptions. It’s when you decide you know the reason behind someone’s actions without asking. For example, “They didn’t text me back because they’re mad at me,” or “My boss gave me more work because she doesn’t trust me to handle my current tasks.”
• Assuming a Shared Reality: This assumption operates on the belief that others experience or see the world the same way you do. In a team project, you might assume everyone understands the unspoken priorities, only to discover later that they were working on something completely different.
• Assuming Personality Traits: This involves making broad judgments about a person’s character based on a single action. You might assume someone is “rude” because they were quiet in a meeting, when in reality, they might just be shy or have a lot on their mind.
• Assuming Needs and Wants: This is common in close relationships, where you might assume you know what your partner or friend wants without them having to say it. For example, a partner might buy tickets for a concert they want to see, assuming their partner will be just as excited. This often leads to disappointment if the other person had different plans or preferences.
• Assuming Competence or Incompetence: In a business setting, an interpersonal assumption can be assuming a junior employee can’t handle a complex task or that a senior employee is an expert in all areas. This can either hold back a talented individual or place an unfair burden on someone else.

 

Separating interpersonal assumptions from presumptions and facts

Separating interpersonal assumptions from presumptions and facts requires understanding the key differences in their basis and certainty. While all three are forms of belief, they are built on different levels of evidence and certainty.

Facts

A fact is an objective truth that is verifiable and can be proven. It is not open to interpretation and is independent of personal belief or emotion. It is based on irrefutable evidence or direct observation.

• Example: It is a fact that the project deadline is Friday. This can be confirmed by looking at the project schedule.
• Basis: Direct, verifiable evidence. It’s objective and universally accepted.

 

Presumptions

A presumption is a belief that is considered true until proven otherwise. It’s often based on probability, logical inference, or patterns of past behavior. Presumptions are commonly used in legal or formal settings. They are not as certain as a fact but are often a good starting point for a conclusion.

• Example: When a manager assigns a task to an employee who has consistently met deadlines in the past, they are presuming the employee will do so again. This is a logical inference based on historical data.
• Basis: A strong logical or historical probability. It’s a calculated bet that is likely to be correct but can be disproven.

 

Interpersonal Assumptions

An interpersonal assumption is a conclusion about another person’s thoughts, feelings, or motives that is based on limited or no evidence. It’s often driven by personal biases, emotional responses, or a lack of communication. Unlike a presumption, it doesn’t necessarily have a logical or historical basis and is much more likely to be wrong.

• Example: You see a coworker walk past without saying hello and assume they are angry with you. You have no direct evidence of this, and there could be many other reasons for their behavior (e.g., they were distracted, in a hurry, or didn’t see you). This is an assumption based on an internal interpretation rather than a logical one.
• Basis: Scant evidence, often fueled by personal bias or emotion. It’s a leap to a conclusion that is often incorrect.

Summary Table

Feature	Fact	Presumption	Interpersonal Assumption
Basis	Verifiable, objective evidence	Logical inference, historical probability	Limited or no evidence, often subjective
Certainty	100%	High probability (until disproven)	Low probability, high potential for error
Nature	Objective truth	Calculated belief	Subjective interpretation
Actionable	Yes, you can act on it confidently.	Yes, but with a need for verification.	No, must be verified through communication.

 

Strategies for Handling Interpersonal Assumptions:

Handling interpersonal assumptions requires a combination of self-awareness, communication, and a change in mindset. Instead of acting on a conclusion you’ve jumped to, the goal is to verify your belief with facts and direct communication.

1. The A.S.K. Method

This is a simple, three-step framework for challenging your assumptions in the moment.

• A – Acknowledge the Assumption: The first step is to recognize that you are making an assumption. Your internal dialogue might sound like, “I’m assuming my coworker is upset with me because they gave me a one-word answer.” By labeling it, you create a space to step back from the emotional reaction.
• S – Suspend Judgment: Once you’ve acknowledged the assumption, actively suspend your judgment. Instead of jumping to a negative conclusion, consider other possible explanations. Maybe your coworker was just busy, distracted, or had a bad day that has nothing to do with you.
• K – Know the Facts: The final and most crucial step is to gather the facts. The only way to know the truth is to ask directly, calmly, and without accusation. This leads to the next strategy.

 

2. Practice Probing and Verifying

Instead of making statements, ask questions. This shifts the dynamic from a confrontation to a collaborative search for the truth.

• Use “I” Statements: Frame your questions and feelings from your perspective. Instead of saying, “Why are you mad at me?” try, “I felt a little hurt when you didn’t say hello this morning. Did I do something to offend you?”
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Instead of “Are you busy?”, ask, “How is your workload right now?” This invites a more detailed and honest response.
• Listen Actively: Pay attention to their full response, including their tone of voice and body language. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. The goal is to understand their perspective, not just to prove yourself right.

 

3. Cultivate Empathy and Perspective-Taking

Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes can challenge an assumption before it takes root.

• Consider Their Context: Think about the pressures, challenges, or personal issues the other person might be dealing with. A rude email might not be a personal attack but a result of a tight deadline or stress at home.
• Look for a Positive or Neutral Explanation: Our brains are often wired to jump to negative conclusions. Deliberately look for a neutral or even positive interpretation of the situation. Maybe your boss is giving you more work not because she doesn’t trust you, but because she sees your potential and wants to challenge you.

Choose Curiosity Over Certainty

Assumptions are the silent saboteurs of great professional teams and personal relationships. They are the stories we write in the gap between what we observe and what we actually know. By learning to distinguish between a fact (verifiable truth), a presumption (a calculated, evidence-based probability), and a baseless assumption (a subjective guess), you reclaim control over your reactions and your relationships.

The work of a high-performing professional—and a thriving human being—is to minimize the destructive assumptions that fuel conflict and insecurity. This requires self-awareness to catch the assumption and courage to verify it. By choosing to embrace the A.S.K. Method and prioritizing open, probing questions, you trade an imagined, often negative, narrative for an accurate, productive reality.

The quality of your business relationships, and ultimately the success of your organization, hinges on your willingness to stop assuming and start asking.

 

Take the 24-Hour ASK Challenge

Ready to elevate your communication and reduce workplace tension? Take the 24-Hour ASK Challenge:

1. Acknowledge: For the next 24 hours, actively listen for assumptions in your internal dialogue. Every time you think, “They must be doing X because Y,” pause and label it: “That’s an assumption.”
2. Suspend: Before acting on that assumption, list at least three alternative, non-negative explanations for the situation.
3. Know the Facts: If the assumption is about a work-critical issue, don’t let it sit. Go directly to the source and verify with an “I” Statement and an Open-Ended Question. (e.g., “I’m assuming you’re overloaded, so how is your workload right now?”)

Stop letting the stories you tell yourself dictate your reality. Commit to curiosity, foster trust, and watch your business and personal connections deepen.

What assumption are you going to verify today? share with us in the comments section.